It’s holiday time! That means The Hundred, crap on the TV and our dedicated, hardworking Westminster politicians finally heading for the beach once Andy Burnham has finished sacking everyone who said nice things about his predecessor. But where will he, and they, go? Gordon Brown would only venture as far as Suffolk and David Cameron famously spent a lot of time in Cotswolds by the Sea (Cornwall). Will the King of the North buck that trend? Here are some destination suggestions because, of course, everyone loves a Jet 2 holiday.
Andy Burnham
It would have to be Manchester, wouldn’t it but as he’s there all the time, and even moving parts of No10 Mancwards, maybe he should try Manchester, New Hampshire in the USA? It’s the largest city in the northern part of the state, famous for its rich industrial history, revitalised mill buildings and bustling downtown. Sound familiar, Andy? It also has a place called Cat Alley, the perfect place to do a bit of bitching about his predecessor and there are a couple of Ralph Lauren outlets in the state where he can stock up on polo shirts.
Kemi Badenoch
She’s had quite a good year, outlasting her Labour rival and doing sterling work holding back the Reform surge, so she deserves a seaside break. How about Clacton? It’s by the sea, it’s not far from London and she could even witness Count Binface canvassing in the upcoming by-election. And if the intergalactic dustbin beats Nigel Farage, there might be a property or two for sale at a knockdown price?
John Swinney
If the First Minister, or any FM, fancies two weeks in Benidorm then they’re going to be disappointed. It’s an unwritten law that they have to holiday in Scotland even if, on occasions, it might be wet, cold and miserable. But John Swinney likes holidaying in Scotland so you could pick almost anywhere and he’d be happy. After a busy year and tough election, he deserves some alone time so how about a few days on Rockall?
Rockall is a 17-meter-high, uninhabitable granite islet in the North Atlantic Ocean around 300km west of St Kilda, Scotland. The perfect spot for a holiday.
Donald Trump
Americans famously have very few holidays from work and as The Donald himself will tell you, he’s the hardest-working President like, ever. He works so hard he often grabs a quick nap during an important meeting with a head of state or in the Situation Room during a war so he can stay awake at 2.30am to send off 43 Truths about people he hates. So, it’s a staycation for Donnie, doing some much-needed work building his big, beautiful ballroom at the White House, repairing the Reflecting Pool and maybe adding more gold leaf from Home Depot to the Oval because you can never have enough fake gold, right?
Sanni, sorry, Gianni Infantino
Yes, he’s not an MP but given his propensity for cuddling up to world leaders and not sticking to promises, he’s a true politician. The FIFA boss has just presided over the longest and most drawn-out World Cup ever, so he truly needs to rest those famous white trainers (known as sannies in Scotland) and count the $12bn plus they’ve made from “the FIFA” as his mate Donald calls it. But when you have apartments in Qatar and Switzerland and a $6m salary, the world’s your oyster, so clearly he’d go to the Moon, or Mars or, given the weight of righteous anger bearing down on him from true football fans, the surface of Venus.
Keir Starmer
“We’ve got all the time in the world”, sang Louis Armstrong, and that could be the son of a toolmaker’s new theme tune. No more G7s. No more NATO summits. Back to weekly five-a-sides, back to the Emirates to see his beloved Arsenal, back to putting the bins out on a Sunday night, but before then, time to get on to the travel agent and book a wee trip. Starmer visited many countries during his time as PM but not Australia, so if he’s feeling a bit low after his ousting, what better place to be down than Down Under?
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